It is a Sunday and I am inside my first ever mosque. Today is a learning day where all the young people gather to learn about their faith. Happy laughing kids run around the corridors and burqa wearing women cook up a mean sausage sizzle. I am greeted by a pākehā woman (also in a burqa) who leads me to a group of teens willing to talk about growing up as Muslims in NZ. Where are all the terrorists, I wonder slightly disappointed by the obvious joy in the mosque. Clearly they are not all into blowing themselves up and abusing women. But I had to find out for sure. What is this thing called Islam?

I talked to three New Zealand teenagers about their life in a largely agnostic/Christian country…

Where are your parents from and have you ever lived in another country?

Salma: Both my parents are Arabian. I grew up in Kuwait; I was born during the Gulf War. I also lived in india and Jordon before moving to NZ.

Did your parents leave because of war?

Salma: They found it hard to live in a country with so much conflict. They came as refugees.

Alam: My parents are from Fiji and I was born here. And lived here till I was 14 before moving to Dubai. We moved there for a chance to live in a Muslim country. Actually the only difference is there are mosques everywhere and you can eat easily because all the meat is halal. (Especially prepared)

Ayeesha: Both my parents are Iraqi and lived there till I was 6 years old. Then we moved to Yemen for a year and then came here. I’ve been here for about 7 years. Iraq is not the most secure place to bring up a child and opportunities are more prolific here.

What are you doing here today?

Salma: We start at about 10 and we have koranic learning. We learn about it and how to read it. The little kids have to learn the alphabet. In the afternoon we have religious studies and the history of Islam.

What are the foundations of Islam?

Salma: In terms of moral guidelines we have the same basis of the 10 commandments. It’s just common sense and what all society is based upon. But in terms of action we have the five pillars of Islam which dictates how we live our lives and the routines we go through every day. For example we have prayer five times a day and fasting once per month.

How do you fit praying five times a day into a normal life?

Ayeesha: We just pray at school. We have a room.

How long does a prayer last?

Alam: Five minutes. But it’s quite good because it keeps you focused. It’s a very good time for reflection and you can go over your own faith.

Do you ever get to sleep in?

Ayeesha: Well you get up and pray and then go back to bed for a sleep in! You can live your life with praying.
Salma: We don’t even think about it. We get raised that way. It’s not forced upon you until puberty but by then it’s just such an entrenched habit that you don’t really think twice about it.

How could you want to get up at 6am to pray?

Ayeesha: It’s a want. I know I will be accounted on this on the day of judgment. I’m pretty religious so I know I’ll be punished in the hereafter.

How do you know this?

Ayeesha: Because it’s written in the Koran.

Does stuff going on overseas affect you?

Ayeesha: We see what other Muslims do overseas and we think they’re going to represent Islam in a bad way and they’re going to make it look bad. If a non Muslim steals something, it’ll be he’s just a thief. But if a Muslim does it, they’re a Muslim thief and they’re distinguished big time. If you have massive numbers of Muslims dying it won’t be mentioned, but if 11 Americans die it’s a huge deal.

Salma: The main thing that people really understand is that the reason why extremists do what they do is it’s not religious. It’s mainly political. In terms of political differences, people turn to religion. At the same time you’ve got cultural factors influencing how you understand religion. We see these people on TV, we understand they don’t mirror our sentiments and our actions but most people don’t see that. They’ve become caricatures now. I think people have to realise that what’s being shown in the media doesn’t represent. It’s in the papers constantly, on the news but those people are not the majority of Muslims. You don’t hear about the rest of us because we just lead normal lives.

Last month national MP Bob Clarkson opened his gob and said “Islam religion-type people’ who wear burqas could be crooks hiding guns. Do you understand why he might have that attitude?

Ayeesha: When you go through an airport, you know they are going to hard core check you. You can’t really say that because they’re wearing a burqa or abaya, they’ll be hiding weapons. They’ve got all this technology to check. They just have to pick it up and use it. You could be hiding a bomb under a jersey. Really it’s just all clothes, not just burqas.

Have you been flying?

Ayeesha: I went to Auckland. I wore my black abaya. They checked me hard core. She checked my bag. I was definitely being checked way more than other girls. It hurts but because of what politicians say and what’s going on, you just have to deal with it.

Could you help me understand why a female body should be covered?

Ayeesha: It’s to do with attraction. If it’s not covered properly then the guy would be attracted and then you’d start dating and it would lead to more problems. If you start off with basic rules and you apply them, you’ll be safe.

What if a woman feels attracted to a man? Would that be bad?

Alam: We have our coverings as well. Most people don’t understand that it was ordered to the women to cover up but before that, the men were ordered to lower their gaze.

Can you be attracted to someone’s personality?

Salma: The thing is we’ve all known each other for a long time so we’re just really good buddies and we don’t think of each other that way. It’s just a good place to come and hang out with like minded people.

How do you meet someone you could love? Do you ever dream of romance?

Alam: All these feelings are normal for human beings and you can’t be blamed for them. What you can be blamed for is how you act on them.

Salma: What people normally do when they want to get married is find someone else in the community who is ready to get married.

Alam: My mother might talk to her mother.

Salma: It’s through the grapevine of the mothers. We all know what’s going on each others lives.

How if you’re not allowed to date. How would you meet your husband?

Ayeesha: You don’t have to date to find a husband. We do talk to guys but you have to know your limits. My parents and I will eventually decide oh this is a good guy for me’ so I’ll sit there and talk to him, try to understand to understand what he knows about Islam. If he’s a good Muslim then he has what I’m looking for in a husband. We’ll get engaged to get to know each other a bit more and eventually we’ll get married. You don’t have to date someone to marry them.

So it’s arranged?

Salma: A lot of people think that arranged marriages are part of Islam. But they’re not. It’s cultural. It isn’t just Islam. Islam doesn’t force you have to arranged marriages; it’s just part of the culture. Just optional.

So falling in love comes later?

Ayeesha: Is he a good Muslim, that’s the first question? Does he pray in the mornings? Some people if they’re not religious, they’ll be like oh it’s so early, screw this, I’ll pray later’. But if they’re deeply religious, they will get up and pray and do the things that Muslims do.

Is it hard to fit in here?

Ayeesha: It was hard for me to grow up in a Muslim society and then move to NZ. There are all the actions of what New Zealanders do, such as going out and having boyfriends. Then there’s me having to apply what I learnt as a young child. It’s very difficult. But things that have made it easier for me are coming to the mosque and doing all the traditions that my parents have taught me. They keep it with them. They like tell me ok you have to pray now, so I do. It’s hard but…

Do you ever feel like an outsider?

Salma: I think you have be very convinced of what you’re believing in. If you’re just living your faith for the sake of it and you don’t really believe in it, you’re just doing it because you have to, it’s not going to be a very successful attempt to assimilate into a culture. If you are very strong in your convictions and you understand why you don’t do it, you can explain it to them. Most people don’t bother you too much about it. A lot of times you can have a normal social life, you know, going to the movies and stuff.

You must hear people talking about boys and going out…

Ayeesha: Of course but I’m very used to it now. But I tell my friends look this is part of my culture, I can’t be with you at this time because you’re going to be drinking or doing drugs and it’s against my religion. Most friends try and understand my religion but others are just like oh that’s so weird, how could you not have a boyfriend’. They say all these things to make you feel bad about yourself but then I realise these aren’t friends.

Are you ever tempted?

Ayeesha: Of course. It’s just the way your hormones work. You can’t really do anything about it. Sometimes I get pressured but my true friends know it’s wrong for me. They’ll do it themselves. Everyone does it and I’m used to it. But I want to stick to what I believe.

Your parents must have done a great job to keep you on track

Ayeesha: I grew up very religious and I competed in Koranic readings. All the centres have competitions for the best readers. I just flew up to the nationals in Auckland. I always enter them. I love doing things like that. It keeps me on track. I got 3rd nationally.

What do you think of kiwi chicks who wear tight jeans and short skirts?

Ayeesha: I’m fine with it. This is their culture. I just do my thing. I’m not against anyone. Deep inside I know it’s wrong for me. You can’t change someone.

Do you know what it’s like to be a Muslim woman in Afghanistan and what’s the difference?

Salma: Most people don’t realise that what you see with regards to Muslim women over there is related to the culture of being an Afghani. It’s a lot more restrictive for them. Ayeesha and I really don’t feel as restricted as people’s impression that we are. We live slightly different lives in that we can’t do some things but we can do other things. But it doesn’t make this huge impact on our lives that most people would believe.

This article was originally written for and published in the October 2006 issue of JET magazine. It is reproduced here with their kind permission.